The Primal Invitation of Good Enough Parenting

Parenting observations on guilt and failure

Graphic by author.

I am an average parent.

Imagine a social media platform where instead of choosing what photos you post or information you share, the world is simply shown your worst moments; and not in the sense of being vulnerable and real with your commentary on a given situation — but actual displays of you at your worst.

Despite allusions to this possibility in film and media, thank goodness such is not the case. Our edited versions of mass communication can endure. If I had to guess the group of people who would have the most unfavorable footage, however, I imagine it would be parents. Unfortunately, the worst parenting moments still have an audience: your children.

If I am honest (or vulnerable; or real), I must confess that I spend an uncountable number of moments lathed in guilt. Whether how I interact or fail to interact, rarely do I handle any given moment with what could be deemed ideal parenting. I yell too much, I forget and lose track of what’s important, and my attention often diverts in uncanny directions. I am, at best, a very average parent. If we saw every moment of your parenting, I’m guessing we would declare you as average, too.

What Causes “Bad” Parenting?

Let’s consider the odds, though. For those glorious souls who are able to pull off the ideal in every waking and sleeping moment throughout every single day, I would be glad to hear your secrets. The reality is that you, as a finite human being, have an immense responsibility to other souls in which you are with them almost constantly and where they depend on you absolutely. You also come with a varied personality, a history with baggage you may have inherited, a finite perspective within finite time, and the general human limitation that you can only see the world through your own eyes. You also might not know everything. You could read lots of books, but you still would probably not know everything.

At any given moment, you only have what you have.

And you will react in any given moment in reflection of what you have.