“Somehow we end up treating strangers and acquaintances with more forbearance than our closest ally in the world.”

I think this might become the advice I give to every couple about to get married. I am a victimizer of this concept all the time…it has been what has cost Vanessa and I the most.

The way I have had to recognize this for myself (and the change it led to back when things were rough) was how I organized my life. I always functioned from the perspective of “Provider” (work, leader, etc) -> “Father” -> “Lover”…and that is backwards. How I spend my time, energy, & love ought to be “Lover” -> “Father” -> and then, “Provider”. I’m still trying to figure this out.

I understand my job to be “Order the life of the community,” but I cannot order the life of the community if I do not order the life of my family and I cannot order the life of my family without first ordering the life of my ‘self’.

You absolutely named the constant tension that causes so much dysfunction in so many relationships. Well said. Thank you.