Learning to Die Somewhere
Marriage, transience, and the elusive difficulty of belonging.
“What is the most important advice to give a couple before they get married?”
I never really considered a vocation that would involve officiating weddings and offering pre-marital counseling. I’m not sure anyone grows up with such a lofty career goal. Yet, I’ve somehow managed to have it be a regular part of my life over the last eight years. With such an endeavor comes the casual question of advice. I assume most inquiries are a well-meaning attempt to carry a conversation. Either way, I’ve come to offer a consistent answer.
Don’t do it.
Unless, of course, you are willing to subject yourself to one of the most difficult experiences of human life.
Marriage is the strange decision to let another person know every single part of you, every day, for the rest of your existence. You are choosing to occupy a common space with a common lifestyle where every waking (and sleeping) moment involves the other. You get to see every single part of them — their flaws, their failures, their baggage, their strange tendencies — and they get to see every single part of you. You will develop a shared history and a shared future as you consistently endure the…
