I really appreciate your detail in engaging with this argument and your acknowledgment of your experience (as opposed to broad strokes of owning the objective truth on the matter).

Unfortunately, this reality often rears its ugly head in theodicy and Christians have a bad history of how they interact with trauma, suffering, and the notion of evil as a result.

Not to defend Christianity (but possibly to defend certain traditions of Judaism), the issue of these texts have been interpreted differently (in ways that I find palatable, at least) that still fit the overarching ontology (I’d even argue that they do a better job of this than any modern Christian I’ve heard) and actually cohere to a consistent ethic.

However, I never heard those perspectives until atheism sent me looking. It’s a shame that those readings of these questionable texts have been all but left in the dustbin of history. I do hope they make a comeback.