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Four Reasons We Are Mean to the People We Love

There’s a phenomenon to proximity.

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Photo by Parsoa Khorsand on Unsplash

Every time my family would drive down I-75 from our home in Toledo we would pass a perfectly boxed building encompassed in glass that stuck out of the countryside like a boomer at an EDM concert. Eventually, we came to anticipate the moment and would beat my father to his inevitable reflection: “Yes, dad. We know you tiled that building.” I’m guessing everyone has a grown-up in their life who constantly wants you to look at something they made from the nostalgic past. My father was a talented floor layer and we were often subjected to his many feats.

However, I also came to see a phenomenon from his professional ramblings. We may have been in the most mundane of places, but he would take time to inspect the tile job. My amateur eyes would just see tile. My father, however, would begin pointing out flaws: An imperfect grout gap, a degree of tilt in alignment, or even a tile with a millimeter of bulge from an uneven base.

I didn’t know it then, but I was being exposed to the reality that proximity reveals inequities.

Flaws and imperfection are always there — but you must have the experience to be able to see them. Distance and unfamiliarity often keep us from seeing the inequities, but the grass is never greener on the other side. Why do we often bail in relationships once a certain amount of intimacy is procured? Why do we spurn the power of real community and balk at the stereotype of small-town gossip? Because we are being exposed to flaws — flaws that have been there the whole time.

Everything appears better the less we see. The closer and more dependent we are, the more junk gets revealed.

Hence, we are a culture spewing independence and transience.

But the phenomenon of proximity also explains why we are mean to the people we are closest to.

Why Are We Mean to the People We Love?

We should be nicer to the people we are in most proximity to, but we usually aren’t. The occurrence is common — a close friendship or a couple who's been together for years complains about their comrade or is simply frustrated with lackluster outcomes. Eventually, you hear a slew of…

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Tyler Kleeberger
Tyler Kleeberger

Written by Tyler Kleeberger

Pursuing what it means to be human so as to build the best world possible. Practical ethics through in-depth exploration. Becoming Human: tylerkleeberger.com.

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